Loneliness: The Silent Killer
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. Whatever you think you can do, or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, power and grace.” Goethe
Several years ago, I started working with a new client who built a small marketing agency with three employees. Well beyond the startup phase, she was knee deep into the various challenges that reliably emerge as business grows.
But she had never TALKED to anyone about these challenges! Instead, she blamed herself for not being “good enough” to be successful AND happy as a business owner. She assumed she lacked basic skills that everyone else seemed to naturally have.
You probably have heard the adage that “it’s lonely at the top,” but you need to know that it is TRUE. And it can be devastating if you fail to address the loneliness that comes with leadership at any level.
Far from being an issue only for formal leaders, loneliness is an issue most people struggle with at some point in their lives. A growing percentage of the general population experiences loneliness at almost epidemic levels.
However, loneliness is particularly high among business owners and leaders. Over my 23 years as a leadership coach, I cannot tell you how many times a client will bemoan how “no one understands what I have to deal with.” They get exasperated with employees who have zero empathy for what the owner endures, and their family and friends simply cannot relate.
I have a tough message for them, and YOU. When you are a leader, you ARE alone. It’s lonely at the top because a leader is the ONLY person who can make things happen.
Think about the game “Follow the Leader.” There is one person in front who determines what the rest of the group does. If that leader starts running, everyone behind starts running too. If the leader stops, everyone stops.
Leaders and business owners shoulder a tremendous amount of responsibility and stress. Oh, and if you are a parent, you are a leader by default, FYI. This wears us down in almost all ways. Given this truth, the reality of being alone compounds the burden.
This underscores the importance of combatting the sense of isolation that creeps in. Depression, anxiety, and eventually burnout can result.
So, let’s dive in and learn more about loneliness, what it is, how it impacts us, and what we can do about it. While I focus on business owners in this article, this is a societal issue that is hitting young people particularly hard. We MUST come against this.
What is loneliness?
The traditional definition of loneliness is a “distressing feeling that arises from a perceived discrepancy between one’s desired and actual social connections.”
It’s not about being alone (which is social isolation). It’s FEELING alone, even when surrounded by others. It is a sense that you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging. You can be alone but not feel lonely. And you can be surrounded by people but feel lonely.
This is a widespread problem, as I mentioned earlier. A recent American Psychological Association poll in 2024 found that 30% (!!!) of the general adult population experience feelings of loneliness at least once a week. And 10% feel lonely every day. This is heartbreaking…..
Research indicates that business owners are particularly prone to loneliness. Uncertainty, resource constraints, intense responsibility, and time pressure add to intensity of emotional burden.
What is the impact of loneliness?
Candidly, the impact can be severe. There is an increased risk of depression, anxiety, cognitive impairment, and even dementia (some studies found that lonely people have a 40% increased risk of dementia).
Loneliness affects your physical health as well, and it’s independent of any other factors. Higher rates of heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, chronic pain conditions, and even premature death are associated with loneliness.
Financially, it is estimated that loneliness costs $460 billion each year from absenteeism, lower productivity and output, and impaired decision making.
What can you do???
Look, as with everything else, the first step is acknowledging that you feel lonely at times. This is NOT a sign of weakness! Rather, it is a SIGNAL that some need is not being met (this is the case with most human emotions, by the way). I promise you, most EVERY leader I’ve ever worked with has expressed this in some way.
Examine the situation logically by asking yourself, “In what area am I lonely?”
Is your primary relationship with a spouse or partner troubled or unsatisfying? Do you not have enough friends and/or family to hang out with and share experiences outside of your work and business? Are you not engaged enough with the community (like church, volunteerism, or civic responsibilities)?
Do you have enough business support? Do you have a trusted advisor? If you aren’t a business owner, this STILL APPLIES! Do you have TRUSTED people in your life to speak into you, listen to you, and you know for a fact that they have your best interests at heart?
Sometimes the hardest step for a person is to ask for support or assistance. Somehow, we equate that with being weak or incapable.
If you have read any of my other articles, you will recall that there are decades of really great data proving that social support is an independent predictor of both mental and physical health, AND longevity. Yes, people with stronger support systems live longer on average than those who do not. References available upon request.
Getting adequate support is NOT a sign of weakness!
Shameless self-promotion alert!
Yes, I am going to remind you that you can reach out to ME for support. I always offer a complementary, no obligation consultation. Even if we are not a good fit to work together going forward, I will listen and give my two cents.
And maybe you need something other than one-on-one coaching. Maybe you could benefit from a group of like-minded professional business owners who can help you accelerate your success.
If so, I do have a powerful VIP Mastermind Group starting in August.
I made a promotional video for this group, and it ended up being unexpectedly FUNNY. It’s here if you want to see it -
Even if you do not work with me, I want you strongly consider reaching out to SOMEONE for support. Find a mentor or another coach. Find another mastermind group.
This does take effort, and it’s possible you feel overwhelmed at the thought of going through all of this. I get it. I feel similarly at times, especially as an introvert.
But it’s worth forcing yourself to develop this extraordinary way of improving your situation.
Just imagine yourself in a space where you can bring all of your issues, concerns, questions, and challenges without judgment. Your peers can validate you, help you get over hurdles, and clarify your next moves. And you can help THEM, too! This is most definitely a cooperative effort.
Addressing loneliness in business is not just about personal well-being (although that is a good enough reason alone!). It is about accelerating your business in ways that make it easier and more fruitful.
Questions? Let me know!
Want more information? Click here! https://app.paperbell.com/checkout/packages/149975
To your success,
Dr. Anita